TABLE OF CONTENTS
myspace blog by sesaluna, circa 2007 – lest i am ever again tempted to assume the role of a naked male idiot / monarch.
Butterfly: the webSeries
“Paolo: Friday 2/15/02
Just a reminder that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes – like my heart is wearing the Emperor’s New Clothes or is the Emperor’s New Clothes. “
Silly gurl that i was i actually thought that note – dated 2/15 instead of 2/14, and cloaked with a parable of a naked monarch - somehow protected me, made me invulnerable, shrouded my infatuation and pheromone drunkenness in mystery and aloof indifference. I thought my note did not stand in the middle of the town square in the dead of night clanging a cowbell and shouting “HEY YOU-GUY! I THINK SHE KINDA LIKE LOVES YOU DUDE!” I definitely thought it would not destroy my perfect track record of perfect relationships and never being hurt, never falling all the way. HA!
Surely i could predict the possibility that if I gave him such a note (the very next time i saw him) that there was the danger i might at least kind of land him. And then what sassafras???!!! He might just tape that note to his git, convincing you for years you should stay, cuz of how much you loved writing that note… I often knew I should bolt before I wound up bloody in a corner, surrounded by hyenas. Take the damn note too, still taped to the bitchin’ git – why not? i so needed a bitchin’ git.
Instead i got the guy, and started lying to myself, ignoring my little wise voice & intuition. 5 years later and 2 years into our engagement I was living with him in a hilltop house in Los Feliz. Playing blind and dumb wasn’t easy but i did it well, like i do anything i take on. Fortunately, i write almost all the time and lies are so much harder to maintain when written since one cannot as easily revise them as needed, particularly in retrospect. I found the former blog this weekend and feel that any ses blog, even my ultimate evidence against myself, rightly belongs here, even if just to start at the very beginning, a very, very good place to start.